Rep Jim Moran (D-Va) wants to close the detention center on Gitmo, aka

Naval Base Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. I am all for this idea, but if only the following policy is adhered to, to the letter.

1. We build a massive maximum security prison in the hinterlands of Alaska.

This prison should be a minimum of 200 miles from any city, town or settlement.

2. Once completed, the terrorists living on Gitmo should be moved to ‘Camp Frozen’, Alaska, one at a time, with orders to their escorts to shoot to kill if an escape attempt is made.

3 Once the prisoner has arrived, he is then signed for by the Military warden and then placed in a holding cell. When the warden finishes her indoctrination of prison rules and regulations, and issue of bright pink jumpsuits and furry bunny type slippers, she will then assign the prisoner to his cell, which has walls 4 feet thick, built on 5 feet thick concrete floors, with a 5 foot thick ceiling, with a 10 inch wide by a 2 inch high window with no glass, remember, SAFETY FIRST!!.

4. When the prisoner is sentenced to his prison term, it it will be with no chance of parole. He serves every single day.

5. The prison routine should be as follows:

A. Wake up call at 0430 every day.

B. Shower and shave, clean shaven, no beards or mustaches allowed.

C. Breakfast will consist of pork and beans or pork and rice.(10 minutes)

D. Daily reading of The Holy Bible, until lunch.

E. Lunch,(15 minutes) consisting of pork and rice and beans.

F. Back to their cells for clean-up. They must wash their cells with cold water and raw lye soap, using brushes no larger than a toothbrush.(30 minutes allotted for this chore)

G. Leave cells and gather in the auditorium for the daily briefing and recreation activities.

Briefing should consist of the subjects of respecting the United States and women in general.

Recreational activities will consist of the choices of viewing Porky Pig cartoons, or listening to Brittany Spears sing ‘I’m Not So Innocent’ and ‘Opps I Did it Again’ This period will last from 1300 hours to 1800 hours.

H. 1800 hours, dinner of roast pork and rice, with water as the beverage, dessert will consist of one ‘Animal Cracker’ in the shape of a pig.

I. 1800 hours, Lights out, no talking allowed during the serving of the prisoner’s sentence.

J. All guards and security will be female, and their words are law in the prison. Temperature should be maintained at 40 degrees F.

K. All inspection of any type will be carried out by female guards, this includes the daily morning inspections of the shaves and haircuts.

Women barbers will be on stand-by for the purpose of forced shavings, any inmate that refuses to shave or shower will be cleaned via fire hose at full power.

L. This routine will be repeated every day of the sentence, no exceptions. Visitors will be allowed to immediate family at their own expense only after a one (1) year screening process. One visit will be allowed every six (6) months, providing the inmate follows the rules and regulations to the letter and has no demerit points against him.

M. At the end of a prisoner’s sentence, he will be released from captivity on the front porch of the prison, with a Federal/Military issued pass stating that he has completed his sentence and is directed to the nearest deportation center to be sent to his home country. Upon his release he will be issued a clean new set of bright orange jumpsuit, snowshoes made from straw and a map to the nearest deportation station, which he will report to as soon as he can, making good use of the snowshoes. Any variance from these post release rules and regulations will indicate the prisoner’s obvious failure to obey orders, and will be returned to the prison for a military hearing where if found guilty, will be sentenced to a minimum term of seven (7) years in the same prison.

The only alternative to these conditions of confinement is if Rep. Jim Moran (D-Va) is willing to house those detainees at his personal home at his personal expense. After all, he wouldn’t want the government to pick up part of the expenses for these noble and generous actions. He, as a Congressman must set an example for the rest of his fellow congress persons on the left side of the aisle.

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